FOFOMO: The fear of... the fear of missing out
“Life is so constructed,
that the event does not,
cannot, will not,
match the expectation.”
Throughout the 2010’s, more specifically over the last five summers, many of my friends have individually explained to me how they get seasonal depression in the summertime, due to the idea that everyone is out having fun without them. It’s a feeling known throughout the 2010’s as the “Fear Of Missing Out,” and most commonly recognized by its shortened quippy abbreviation of “FOMO.”
Obviously, I’ve heard of the infamous FOMO, mainly because I sometimes get that sensation myself (not summer related), and I’m on the internet, so naturally, I’m aware it exists.
Though there’s something different about the summer season and the FOMO it brings to many of my pals. From what I’ve taken in, Summer should be a picturesque season where one can truly take breaks and go on adventures in the lush greenery and the hot sun, with sand between their toes, and a margarita in hand, right? Well, in Minnesota, it's one of the only tolerable seasons to do just about anything. (yeah I know, hockey, ice fishing, building a snowman, looking at a pumpkin patch, yada yada. Not for me, but for some, the other three seasons are also tolerable.)
Some of my coolest and most socially charismatic friends that I’ve ever known begin to wonder, “why is everyone having fun but me?” But, are they really? Or are some of us just experiencing this Summertime FOMO from observing other friends overcompensating on social media to seem busy? Many of the Summertime depression symptoms aren’t necessarily chemical, persay–but they are mainly caused by the longer days, and the feeling of unmet social expectations.
A photo Eric took of me on a little nature hike! The trees were big, and I felt very small.
Weirdly enough, the only reason my own summer isn’t riddled with “Summertime Sadness” as Lana Del Rey calls it– is because my love for the summer season comes from liking solitude. Most days, I walk around solo through my own neighborhood, taking in the complex sights and sounds of the city. I sometimes lay in the grass near Lake of the Isles reading a book with a locally made cold brew coffee, my only companion being the cattails and daisies dancing in the wind, and the occasional runner. My favorite summer pastime is going to the movies for the free air conditioning, and though I often ask a friend to accompany me, I actually prefer going alone most days. (I have a SYSTEM, okay?! Blame it on my 3 years working at an indie movie theater!)
My love of solitude can be traced back to my teenage summers in the middle of nowhere. Most days were spent outdoors in my yard, walking around my small town, carpooling in a stuffed Honda Civic to any local lake to cool down, admiring skater boys at the local skatepark attached to the community center, and going on dates to the local festival that every town has, with all the same rides– the Zipper, Tornado, and the Tilt-a-Whirl.
I loved being a teen in the middle of nowhere sometimes, because you truly can’t appreciate it unless you’ve felt that ‘nothing-going-on-today’ vibe that the summer brings in a slow place. A 2000’s Cody in the middle of nowhere had mastered the feeling of being alone by listening to Paramore, watching MTV’s Cribs reruns, and scrolling through Myspace Pic 4 Pics (you know–when you’d like a random person’s profile picture by their request, for one hopeful ‘Like’ on one of your own picture? Those were some days… not THE DAYS, but SOME days…) I think that, for me, the absolute solitude of living across from a cornfield for four years really brought on the drive to “live in the moment” when the moments were offered, and to not take it for granted!
Some photos from my instagram 10 years ago at ages 19/20, truly living that slow summer life:
That leads me to now, on an 80 degree July night, where I keep my social summer backburner warm and open, so when anyone asks me to go out for drinks, for a walk, to the thrift store, or a live concert, I always, always, always say YES (when my schedule aligns). This little summer strategy has led me all sorts of places, past and present! Last year, I flew to attend a birthday in the hollywood hills. This summer I’ve been invited to a couple sold out concerts where a friend had an extra ticket. Like just being open and not having it all scheduled and planned out is sometimes the answer.
Anyway, FOMO is normal. There will always be someone cooler than you on the internet having a way more instagram-worthy time. We as a species were not meant to be exposed to so many hot, cool, interesting people daily, and that’s why we feel sad that our life doesn’t look like their’s in photos.
Basically, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re on instagram all the time, I’m not really convinced that you’re having a great time. The only times I post on my stories is when I’m attending a concert and I want a video, or when I see a cool view on a walk or something. When I’m really having fun, I forget to pull my phone out to capture the social moments tangibly. I’ll offer to take a selfie or something if I remember, but I’m not too bent out of shape over proving I’m out and about having fun. Like, alright, do we need to prove you saw me in the Mortimers bathroom between music sets?
That’s all I have to say! I’ve made it 30 rotations around the sun, and I’m not catching FOMO now. Lets just all agree to avoid it today, and in all the future summers that lay ahead, okay?
