6 things I learned in my twenties
Today, December 17th 2021, is the start of my 30th year on Earth. I was much less excited about entering a new decade a few years back, I turned 28 just three months before the pandemic, and I remember saying, “I hope the pandemic ends before I’m 30,” and later becoming devastated to hear of the halting of many public events for at LEAST two years. It seemed so impossible then– waiting 2 years to live out the rest of my youth. As the pandemic slowly stole my last good remaining years (joking, obviously), I realized a few things about my twenties– good and bad.
(Vienna by Billy Joel plays loudly in the background)
I know it’s cliché to say, but I wish I could go back to myself during the early half of my twentieth decade to just say these things, because they would have saved me a lot of stress and anxiety over things I couldn’t change. So here’s 6 things I learned in my 20s.
(with many photos of me simply ~being in my twenties)
Hillary and Me. We were at the art museum being hot, amazing, cultured women, hence our cardigans!
Some people are only there for a little while, and that’s OK.
When I first moved to the twin cities at age 20, I befriended a tumblr mutual named Hillary, and we quickly became best friends. Two years later she tragically passed away, and I felt incredibly heartbroken. At the time, I thought I’d never have another friend for the rest of my life. Her loss affected me greatly, and it still does. I only knew her from age 20 to 22, but her sense of humor, can-do attitude, and her love of fashion, film, and pop culture really stayed with me all this time.
Though she’s been gone for 7 years, I know that meeting her was kismet. I needed to be friends with her to be who I am today, because that friendship defined my twenties. She helped me realize you can be an adult and still like pop music and bad horror movies, and also that anything is possible if you just say it like it is.
To lighten the mood, I also made a great friend while working at a movie theater around age 22-25. we fell out probably a year after leaving the job. I miss the friendship, obviously, but it's okay that we grew apart.
Basically, they’re the person who encouraged me to go back to college to pursue social media at age 23, which led to me getting an opportunity to do social media at Sound Unseen, which then led to me transferring to a university for digital marketing and advertising, and ultimately to my life here and now, finally graduating with my Bachelors degree in Technical Communication and Professional Writing, which I just finished a week ago!
I think you can pick up what I’m throwing down. Some friends are just there to be the finger to push the domino, leading the sequence that catapults you into the next stage of life. Does it hurt remembering how things were? Yes. But life can’t always be about laughs and late night walks.
My 25th birthday party at my family cabin! (Sarah, Hannah and me) photographed by my friend Sam! Eric was somewhere as well! This was a great day!
Its okay to say “No”
This one really didn’t click until I was like 26. If I could gain back all the hours I spent saying yes to a night on the town and regretting it, I’d have like 3 extra years in my twenties refunded back to my life account. I was once invited to a party and I didn’t want to go, but as someone who was once loyal to a fault, I said yes, and I really regretted it because I acted a fool on a saturday night and it could have all been avoided had I just had the guts to RSVP: NO.
If you’re wondering how sad you’ll be when you see that your friends are all out, and you’re missing it– you won’t be. Does that mean you have to be one of those people who says stuff like, “Why go to the club when you could be drinking wine watching netflix on the couch?!” NO, just be selective with your time, and don’t feel obligated to anything. This goes for a list of things like: hey can you do me a favor, can we talk for a minute, Got a second, “let’s get coffee” -ex boyfriend. NO. The answer is always a resounding NO.
This goes perfectly the other way too, because once you learn that it's not offensive to say no, you also learn to not take offense when someone else says NO. If I ask you to hang out, and you say no, I’m at the point where I’m like “alright. Let me know if you change your mind someday,” because I truly will not take any offense to a reschedule, a rain check, or a full on cancellation, and you shouldn’t either! Just say NO, and also accept the NO. You’re not missing out unless you love getting drinks spilled on your favorite shirt.
Imitation is, apparently…
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”
- Oscar Wilde, a guy who really loved being imitated.
I think we can agree that there’s a big difference between someone wondering where you got your shirt (I’ll gladly tell anyone where I get my clothes), and someone imitating a major trait of yours, whether that’s your ideas, your writing style, your career pursuits, and so on. Competition isn’t in my nature, and I think there’s plenty of room at the table for everybody. As an indigenous woman of color, I often don’t even get a place at the table, so to be in the realm of competition at all is nearly inconceivable to me. But yeah, we’re here today to learn a lesson in our twenties, aren’t we?
I’ve only been imitated in an uncomfortable way maybe twice, and both times I felt awful for assuming someone might be christopher columbus-ing my personal spark. Since the feeling is rare, I try to not let it get to me. Just remember: focus on yourself and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, etc. Believe me, it’s not what you want to hear, because it’s also not what I wanted to hear either, but it’s the truth.
Most of the time a little imitation is harmless. Obviously when it gets into someone’s creative work or ideas, it becomes questionable, but someone once told me, “If someone is imitating your work, you must be doing something right.” so I guess we should all try a little harder to think like Oscar Wilde.
Me (facing the city) and my friend Dee (facing the camera)– One of my first friends when I moved back to the cities. We have changed so much since we were 18 and 20, but yet we remain the same in so many ways!
You can’t control other people, you can only control yourself
Sometimes people do things to push your buttons, completely on purpose. You could be upset behind closed doors, you can confront them in a rude way… or you can walk away and keep your peace. I suggest sleeping well at night knowing you didn’t let it bother you at all.
This life lesson is great for people working customer service (believe me! I was in retail for 8 years). Once that awful customer is out the door, you’ll stop thinking about it. If someone is being mean to you, you aren’t obligated to be mean back. Save your energy and let those people have a bad day elsewhere.
Being bad at things is the first step to being good at things
This is advice I learned from my favorite Adventure Time character, Jake the Dog. If you wait your entire life to be perfect at something, you’ll never move forward. Even writing this blog is an example of that! If there’s an extended amount of time between my posts, it's because I get in my head about something having to be perfect. Every time this happens to me, I realize that I am wasting time lamenting about how unperfect I am.
When I was 22, I saw a friend creating their own art business online. I remember seeing their instagram and thought, “I bet I could do that.” but then it dawned on me… You don’t have to be the best at something to start. Here I was being a lurker, thinking about whatever they were doing, and meanwhile, what did I have to show for myself? Nothing. I had to tip my hat to them, because as I was sitting around doing a whole lot of nothing, they were at least starting. That honestly inspired me to try and improve my own life and eventually get into writing this blog!
If you want to be an artist, create art. If you want to be a photographer, take photos. If you want to be a writer, you absolutely must TELL people you’re a writer, and unfortunately, you must write. It won’t start out good, but practice makes perfect.
Me in Los Angeles at 29 (Probably my last photo as a 29 year old), drinking a vanilla cold brew with a splash of oatmilk. Consider this the pokemon evolution of 24 year old Cody.
If you feel like you’re taking career risks, you’re on the right path
Okay everyone, listen here–... you have to get desperate. Silly I know, but your desperation to make ends meet is where the magic happens. I worked at a job after finishing my associates degree, and I thought at the time “being a manager is fine by me. I just want to make a paycheck,” but having a job that didn’t match the expectations they offered me, I realized I needed to get out– desperately. How did I plan to do that? I decided to go back to college for writing. I applied on a whim, and I actually got in, so the desperation to be elsewhere got me, well– somewhere?
Every time I step out of my comfort zone, miracles suddenly appear in the way of career development. Some of my happiest experiences are because I took a chance applying for something I was convinced I couldn’t land. Basically, when times get bad, you will do whatever you can to get out of them, and taking the risk may lead you to places you never imagined.
For me, the feeling of being called for an interview, or getting an email saying your story pitch is accepted is… There are no words– Only screaming and jumping. I’m a firm believer of jumping up and down and screaming for 20 minutes straight when receiving an email about a great opportunity coming my way. That’s how I know I’m doing what I love, because the wins are always dance-worthy.
My very first selfie at 30! I was at the Minneapolis Institute of Art. The room was so dark, I’m surprised my camera even captured this picture today!
Thanks for reading this list of 6 things I learned in my twenties!
If you have anything you learned in your twenties, feel free to comment it below!
(I’m panicking, trying to get this published on my actual 30th birthday!)
Kind Regards!!!
Cody Raisch
